its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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