I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
