I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
