I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
