Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
