We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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