My underwear smells like fireworks.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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