i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
