Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You dont lie about slip and slides
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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