A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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