Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
