I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
