I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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