tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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