saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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