i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
