I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
