Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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