I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
