fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
