I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
