Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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