he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he fucked my hip out of place.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
