WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize