i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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