Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
