He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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