I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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