After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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