wakey wakey hands off snakey
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
