If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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