Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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