Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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