): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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