can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
