Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
