It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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