im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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