you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
