I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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