Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I smell stomach acid.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
