the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I am spending my child support on dildos
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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