a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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