Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
