This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
