an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
