Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Randomize
