i was born a porn star she said
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
