Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
