I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
