I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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