i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
