The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
