btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
